The Deception of perfection Part 1 Instagram Vs Reality: Appearance

I am a perfectionist. At least that’s what I say to make it sound socially acceptable.It’s the kind of answer you give in a job interview when they ask you that “off the wall”, overused  “What’s your biggest weakness?” question. I mean who doesn’t want someone who strives for perfection working for them? You do a good job, right?Perfectionism does not always manifest in such a positive way. The truth is it’s a word I (and maybe you) hide behind to excuse what can become extremely limiting and unhealthy behaviour. For instance it creates constant self doubt, which leads to needing constant validation, which then leads to caring too much what people think, placing your self esteem in the hands of others. A toxic, unsustainable cycle of behaviour. Behaviour which at school is almost encouraged, behaviour which in the generation of likes, followers, filters and Instagram models is fuelled…

Which brings me to one of my main subjects of this post, social media. I have a love hate relationship with social media. I saw a good comparison once that compared it to a knife. In the hands of a surgeon it’s a tool to save a life, in the hands of a murderer it becomes a weapon. In other words it depends who’s behind it, it depends on your mindset.

At 14 my mindset (like many at this age) was not a healthy one to say the least. I was extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. Yet if you were to look at my Instagram (or any millennial’s Instagram for that matter) the amount of selfies posted probably imply a different story. In fact to older generations we must look vain, it’s a bitter irony. Even now if I spend too long scrolling, I know I start to feel inadequate to those on my feed and this isn’t just about physical appearances. However that is a subject for part 2 (yes it got long enough to split into parts…)

Appearance, appearance, appearance. It’s not just the 21st centuries biggest interference…

As a species we have always been conscious of how we look. Before selfies were oil painted portraits. The Victorians were corseting themselves to the point of deformed rib cages and internal organs well before Kim K’s waist trainers and boob jobs. We have always had models and magazines. We have always compared ourselves to the popular girls at school  (watch any teen film, at some point we have all been a Georgia Nicholson comparing ourselves to a Slaggy Lindsay).

Yet with the age of technology this ability to compare ourselves is at our fingertips and the focus on appearance more intense. 75% of snapchats are selfies, 1,000 are posted every second onto IG and the most popular paid for app in 2017 was Facetune. No wonder 1/50 people now have BDD and growing.(*BDD being the obsession with a perceived flaw and characterised by people going to unhealthy lengths to hide or fix them, as plastic surgeons call it “snapchat dysmorphia”. Chasing perfection.)

The average person spends 4 hours a day on their phone (wow for once I was above average…). That’s basically a quarter of our waking day, equating to one whole day a week. Just what are the effects on our brain? Forget radiation, what about social media? How much advertising do we come into contact with everyday? How many insecurities are sold? How are our priorities being shaped? How is this constant exposure to these photoshopped “flawless” images damaging how we see ourselves? Who are we letting influence us?The more we exercise a part of the brain the more active it becomes. In fact it’s been proven we can actually change the shape of our brains…

Neuroplasticity…

Maguire et al did a study on the structural differences of the brain (in particular the hippocampus) between London taxi drivers and a control group of ‘normal’ people.He used London taxi drivers as they undergo extensive training in “The Knowledge”, a test which requires them to have mental map of London (memorising an average of 320 routes, 25,000 streets and 200,000 tourist points/public interest points). They would expect a structural difference in the hippocampus as this is involved in memory and spatial awareness.

From examining the MRI scans of both groups he found that the taxi drivers had a larger hippocampal volume in the right anterior hippocampus than the non taxi drivers.This is significant as the anterior hippocampus is in charge of learning about new environmental layouts and the right side, holds “mental maps”. The taxi drivers brains had adapted to the information they had learned to the extent it changed its very shape. Further evidence of this was shown as they found the longer they had been a taxi driver, the larger their right anterior hippocampus was.

My point? What you feed your brain and the amount of times you feed it literally shapes your mind, mood and morals.

Who you allow to fill up your feed will influence you.I compare the accounts I follow now to the ones I did at 14, they couldn’t be more different. Thanks to Instagrams helpful little algorithm I was following a never ending supply of photoshopped, surgically enhanced Influencer’s and celebrities I didn’t even know. All promoting “detox” teas and waist trainers, reinforcing the idea that pretty was a body shape and planting the image of what I “should” look like.

I was a 15 year old girl still growing, comparing my body to that of a 21 year old woman.

It is no wonder ⅔ of BDD start around 11-12 years old the same ages a lot of kids are getting phones and the rest. You cannot give this age group access to the online world and expect them to still have a childhood. Phones and Instagram are the new Nintendo’s and animal crossing. In many ways both a form of virtual reality, the toxic difference being one pretends not to be.I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the guinea pig generation for social media are the ones with the most diagnosed mental health problems.

With such importance and advertising being placed on appearance it would be impossible not to be insecure. If we were, advertising and especially the beauty industry would be mainly redundant.

As I say this is not a public diary but as one of the first guinea pigs from this experiment, I think it’s important that I do shed a bit more personal light on the subject. I worry about those growing up with it even younger than I did and for its potential to rewire our brains.

I would be lying if I said that the online world wasn’t one of the triggers for my unhealthy relationship with my body image and self esteem in general. I would compare my previous “affair” with Instagram to that girl who always has to have a boyfriend as this is where she tries to build her self esteem from.We put our self esteem solely around a selfie and essentially a collage of our “first face”. We put that all in the hands of other people. People/followers/”friends” that we have had one or two conversations with and others we don’t know at all. At an age we look for validation anyway, being able to do so with such apps only reinforces this illusion that your value is based on how others see you and of course your appearance. We don’t like ourselves much but as long as other people seem to,  hey we don’t need to.

We all go through this stage of caring too much what people think, yet with neuroplasticity and this access to seek validation just like that, are we now wiring our brains to rely on this? Are we creating obsessions?  Are we triggering this increase of mental health problems? Many I know, refer to them as first world problems but when obsessing over one’s appearance and crippling low self esteem turns into an epidemic? I think its time we stop belittling what is actually a horrifying truth.

Lessons I’ve learnt: 1. There is no such thing as “perfect” only Photoshop:

We are all perfectly imperfect, our differences are our strengths.“Flaws” are simply learnt behaviour – don’t be controlled by advertising.

1-2 face masks a week is enough! 🙄 – any more is not going to make your skin airbrushed…in fact it just makes it really, really red…I learnt the hard way.

2. Use Instagram don’t let it use you  (take a break every now and then)

Time is more valuable than money – you can’t get back that 3rd hour scrolling you could have had with your sister.

Post what YOU want to post, use your page as your inspiration/happy place

You love yourself because you are a unique little bean inside and out,  not because someone liked your selfie or commented 🔥. Time is more valuable than money – you can’t get back that 3rd hour scrolling you could have had with your sister.Post what YOU want to post, use your page as your inspiration/happy place.

3. DIVERSITY👉I am talking follow sausage dog influencers to Disney meme pages

Follow people/accounts that make you feel good, that make you laugh, that make you inspired or that you can learn from.

Limit the brands you follow (more brands = more advertising)

(ask yourself why you follow this person/account. What are they adding to your feed? (another detox tea? 🤷‍♀️)

“We get so worried about being pretty. Lets be pretty KIND, pretty FUNNY, pretty SMART and pretty STRONG” – Britt Nicole

Thank you for reading, let me know your opinions.

DO you think social media is one of the main causes for this increase in mental health problems?

What age do you think kids should be allowed social media? What is your experience?

Love Tasha and Mino x